normally i wouldn’t post such personal things that I might regret but typing things out can sometimes help especially when I know the ones reading it are mostly people who know and love me & will give me encouraging feed back.
I am getting really nervous about my hormones and emotions after the baby arrives. When I had Eislee, during pregnancy I wasn’t very hormonal & had absolutely no post-pardon blues. If I ever did get cranky it was because of the lack of sleep. This time around, I feel crazy i think opposite thoughts almost every other hour. one moment I’m giddy the next I am all melancholy. a lot of the things I think come from worry, which I am practicing giving that to the Lord and often share those many worries with my mother and sisters, who are very encouraging, having learned form their own experiences and are pointing me to the Lord often.
this week has been hard accepting that as a mother I will make mistakes and never be perfect. which for me can be hard to understand because I want to do the best thing for my babies. i question a lot if I am being to strict or am I being to relaxed. do i keep Eislee to busy for a 2 year old or do I do enough activity. i want her to have a healthy balance. sometimes i say no to things when she asks in public and then feel embarrassed like people are thinking oh thats not a big deal. or sometimes i’ll let her do something and think people are thinking wow does she do that all the time.
ughh I could actully go on and on about it but that’s just a few examples and actually as I am typing it I was right, I do feel better. Because Eislee is ok, I am learning, and the Lord takes care of it all. *sigh*
all the thinking can drive a girl crazy thou… i wonder if it will be hard to keep friends once I have another baby, will I be able to take care of myself. and will Brian feel left out because now not only one little one has my attention but two. then theres the other set will baby be healthy, will he adjust well to nursing. UGH see i’m worrying. I believe I will look back at this post sometime from now and laugh. and/or Praise the Lord because its all going to be alright.
with hope the next post will be much more positive, bye for now. CrazyPregnantMomma, xo, Lea